::..sAYinG It oUT LOuD..::

monitorlizzie

Went to DFO and got nothing. I think the last few times I've been to DFO, things were way cheaper? Whatever happened to $20-30 Billabong bikinis and $7 Roxy sandals? My main reason for going to DFO was to look for a few Christmas presents, get a rashie since I'm in the ocean for uni so much, and a pair of boardies.

I ended up only with a mermaid pop-up book for Trinity, and ditching $25 rashies and $10 Rip Curl boardies. The boardies were such a steal. All boardies in the store were 2 for $20! Why does size 6 only come in uber short designs? If I didn't want to cover my bum, I wouldn't even put on boardies! Silly people. Haha. The only rashies I liked either had fluoro pink bits or were black. Meh. I want a normal Rashie please. Found a nice blue striped tank top, a decent-length denim skirt and a pair of denim shorts that fit perfectly - all for $15. But I hesistated with the high-waisted shorts so I put them back. No one else found me a 3rd item, so I couldn't go with the 3 for $15 promotion. I put everything back! How disciplined!

I, however, am currently quite obsessed with finding out where those tie-back summer dresses are from. It all started on Thursday when I saw a girl wearing one in plain white at the exam hall. Then yesterday itself I saw 3 similar designs. Today, I saw 2 girls in that and a few shops at DFO that had a similar design, but as a tube dress.

It's something like that minus the tiered frilly bottom.

I'm not much of a floral person, but I want a white one eyelet one I saw on Thursday. Haha. Does anyone know where everyone else seems to be buying these dresses? I am also still thinking about that Kamiko bustier tube dress I tried on Thursday. =( But I know I don't wear tube dresses. But but but.... =(

::

Oh yeah, I forgot about this. I'm so glad I can finally wash my hair and shower normally without doing any acrobatic stunts or with gladwrap around my arm! I was allowed to take off my dressing today! Wheee. I can't believe I managed to contort my limbs in such a way to shower since Thursday without getting my arm wet. I'm supposed to put on the new cutiplast dressing, but I seemed to have developed this slight rash where the bandage was previously. Wound looks rare now that the skin have peeled off, but it looks way better than last weekend. At least it's not inflammed, red and covered with bumps. Will put on the new dressing tomorrow probably. I have to go back on Monday to check if I still need the proper bandage that I've had to have every day since Thursday. Rather sucky having to travel to uni every day after exams just to get a new dressing daily. And I can finally move my wrist. Woohoo! Happiness.

I still thought it was a bad idea to have ordered 2 prawn pizzas last night though. The 7 of us shared a large half-half pizza of Mexican and something else I can't remember and 3 medium pizzas - I picked chilli prawn, the guys picked tasty bill - which also had big prawns, bacon and mushroom, and green belt - chicken, feta, mushroom, spinach. I've always liked Wild Pepper, so it was all good! It was a relatively new group I was hanging out with last night, and we decided to try get tickets for Time Traveller's Wife, but oh guess what? The cinema stopped showing all other movies because of New Moon. They had screenings every 10 minutes! And New Moon is fully booked till end of next week. Insane.

So we ended up just taking a stroll around Southbank. A few of them have never been there so I played tourist guide. And I introduced them to Churros. Nyum. I also found someone with a big keyboard. I cheekily said "Oh, so can I go over to play some time?" And he said yes. He also plays the guitar. Woohoo! The other girl has been going to Allen's to play, but like me, we're very shy pianists cos we're horrible at it. Hehe. I also just found out that there's a piano in the state library for anyone to use? Sitting on the steps in between the churros stall and the Plough Inn tavern listening to the outdoor live band is awesomeness on a Friday night

I also almost got thrown into the "sea" at Streets Beach. =( By a girl. Am I that light? I freaked out like mad cos I really didn't want to be wet! Haha. They're planning a "liquid" party soon, though I won't be around. Pool, barbie and beer party. Sounds like summer!

Today, I had Irish stout burger for lunch, and then I met the rest at the train station and at DFO. Super diverse group today. There was me, Angela the Columbian, Elsa the French and Priscilla the Brazillian. It was funny how we kinda had to repeat ourselves quite a bit because we all sound different. And use different terms. AHAHAHA.

monitorlizzie

I've been feeling rather unlucky lately. Burns, allergy, bandaged right arm during the exams, most likely a bad permanent scar on my arm, lost student ID, missing out on beach outings and my birthday Wet n' Wild plan, not being able to have any drinks because things may get worse, not being able to wash my hair properly because I can't get my wound wet, dropped my earring and it vanished!, touching a hot hair straightener without realising I left it on, geez, even toilet rolls seem to not like me. Hahaha. I'm probably one of the odd ones who always have it hard with toilet rolls, because they either get stuck, or I keep turning the roll but am unable to find the end of it. That happens to me at least once a week.

So, to make things better, I shall focus on the positive things!

I started off by wearing my less than RM15 yellow summer dress. I feel marginally happier already. Haha. I love cheap bargains and clothes that make me feel like sunshine! Then I got some marks back today. I scored a 93% for my coral reef research project. WOOHOO! And a 19/20 for another assignment. Bumped into Pat, my stats lecturer, and he had the cutest kid I've seen with him. Less than a year old, with blonde waves and dark blue eyes, who kept saying "What what what" to me. *swoon* I like how toddlers get so amused by moving hands and enthusiastic hello's. He asked me how things were going, bla bla and told me I did very well for my beans mini-research project. Yay! That's like 3 good academically-related news in 10 minutes. Maybe just maybe I'll get to keep my GPA after all!

Met up with Melody for awhile before she left for a immigration talk in uni. I headed to the doctor's and got more gasps about my wound. =( I know they mean good but I think all the sympathetic looks and comments are starting to make me feel like I have a very terrible thing. Got my dressing changed and chatted with the nurse who got a bit teary eyed because today was her last day of work there. Whoops. I didn't mean to. I felt bad, but she was super nice. She even gave me a whole pack of that cutiplast dressing thingy. I know I was really dumb to use dettol. Why on earth do they advertise dettol as an antiseptic cure of all minor wounds? Why weren't we ever told that dettol can't be use on burns (although it says on the bottle, the cream tube and on the internet that it's okay), and that some people react badly to dettol. Le sigh. I still have to go back on Monday, but I'll see how things go.

While registering at the doctor's, I realised I lost my ID, although I had it just 10 minutes ago. I gave the receptionist my Go card instead unknowingly. How embarrassing. Retraced my steps but no ID to be found. Went to the Intergrative Biology/Biol Sciences building but the help desk was closed, so I couldn't ask if I had left my ID at the counter. Went to the Student Centre, but no one had returned my card yet. I didn't want to pay $15 for a new card, so I caught the bus home. Read my book a bit and eh, I'm home. HAHA. The weather is starting to be really bad. Heatwave came early to Aussie's East Coast this year.

Tonight, I'm going for pizza dinner with some of my uni mates, then maybe I'll head to Regatta or one of the bars. Sal's siblings are here on holiday and it'd be nice to go to one of our favourite bars or watch one of the live bands before we all part ways. I can't have $5 cocktails anytime soon, which makes me a bit sad, but it's ok. Actually a Toohey's super cold would be super awesome now with the heat. It's cheaper than a corona! ahaha.

More happy stuff: 500 days of Summer. Oh how I love that movie. I watched it a few months back, before I went to Heron. It's one of those shows whose trailers are up online for ages and ages and then you forget about them. Ozzie was raving about the movie when it first came out, so I decided to watch it too. I don't know how anyone can not like Zooey Deschanel after watching her in Yes Man and in 500 Days.

I'm not as obsessed with the show as many other friends out there (I don't even have a 500 days ringtone or alarm or wallpaper), and it's probably more of a friends-movie than a romantic-date-movie, but oooo I still get excited when I see something 500 days-related online.

This is my favourite part. Yeah, the saddest part of the movie is my favourite.

I want a blackboard wall like that. I couldn't find any better picture of the whole wall.

The part which made me ask "How come I have a boyfriend who draws monsters instead?"

Hehehehe. Sid and Nancy part. Hilarious. You'll probably only get this if you know the Sex Pistols.

Summer: We've been like Sid and Nancy for months now.
Tom: Summer, Sid stabbed Nancy, seven times with a kitchen knife, I mean we have some disagreements but I hardly think I'm Sid Vicious.
Summer: No I'm Sid.
Tom: Oh, so I'm Nancy...

I love split screens in movies.

And musical-bits in movies.

Okay, I'm happier already just looking at these pictures.

Now that I'm happy, what should I do? Hmmm.....I don't really want to start packing yet. Cos that'd make me happyandsad again. Maybe I should look for that elusive earring again. It's my favourite favourite hoop earring (only one side fell from the table, bounced off my bag and vanished!). I'm still amazed as to how my eyes weren't fast enough to catch where the earring went to. I mean I saw if fall!

Or maybe I should rewatch OC. Or Popular. Or emm Skins. Geez, I'm so pathetic I don't even watch current series but rather rewatch old teenage dramas. Haha. I've already watched this week's Glee. I love I'll Stand By You.

monitorlizzie

I was scaring a number of people at the exam hall today. It was fun while it lasted.

So yes, it's true. I am allergic to Dettol, and probably all other antiseptic stuff. Should've known from my operation a couple of years back when I was allergic to the dressing over my stitches.

Apparently, applying Dettol cream aggravated the burn and made my wound a lot worse. So yup, my arm is now all bandaged up. I think it hurts more now than before I had it bandaged. I had dunno-what-cream oozing out from the edges of the bandage during my exam. And I never knew how hard it was to write when you can't move your wrist. I'm now typing like how I was taught to play the piano properly (staccato excepted). Without moving the wrists. I also have to keep it away from getting wet and go back to change the dressing tomorrow.

It was a chore explaining to the 101 reefers before and after the exam though. It became shorter and shorter until I simply said I had a bad burn and am allergic to Dettol. HAHA. Also, I can't drink cos it could make the rash flare up. What a way to celebrate the end of my exams. My last ever exam paper probably. I went to 2nd degree for awhile, but I didn't stay long. I felt a bit sad that I may not see many of them ever again. But I love hugs, and I got plenty today. Ish also left for home today. So sad. It's back to no one eating my prawn heads again. =( He said "see you in brunei when you visit your bf!" Haha. Yeah, I will.

Since I can't really take part in any celebratory outings, I'm just meeting Ozzie and Sal at Indro for dinner and just to walk around. I also pulled out from my very own birthday celebration at Wet n' Wild/Gold Coast (how pathetic). Funny how things work, hey? The only year after so long when I can finally celebrate my birthday with friends, and I'm just fated not to. Itzokayh. At least I've got a pizza dinner tomorrow, and shopping at DFO before I leave. I guess I'll have more time to stay home to clean and pack up!

Oh, what to do with my Smirnoff now?

I didn't even mention how my exam went! To the people who teased me for being such an undergraduate by doing past year questions, I'm so so soooo glad I did them. Cos it was pretty much a combination of 2007 and 2008 paper. Although Sophie's biology section was just "HEH?". Her hint for one of the questions was: "Fishermen are not photosynthetic". How weird! Anyway, what's wrong with being an undergrad? Why must you discriminate and look down on undergrads?

couchpotato

And so the exams are over.  Another cycle has completed- only to return next year.  Of course yes, I am having fun but this time I want it to be different- I want to make every day well spent.

There's this med student- she's a senior- I don't know her personally but I am on her emailing list for volunteer work- the sheer effort she puts into protecting the vulnerable and fighting injustice in this city Melbourne is just... mind-blowing that she would actually bother- and she does it her own way.  So admirable!  I want to be like her!

And I just watched the Hillsong United film 'We're All In This Together'.  Frankly from the point of view of a merciless film critic, the film would have not garnered much rave reviews.  But I really took away these points from the film:

1. A lot of change, revolutionary change in this world was done by the youth- I had no idea the William Wilberforce started fighting slavery around the age of 26!  (He persisted fighting slavery for 40+ years- man that IS long!)

2. A lot of change was done via revolution- i.e. drastic change with lots of sacrifice.

3. Until we do something, nothing will be done. (I used to think that change WILL come- and its up to us whether we want to be a part of it or not- but if all of us thought that way and just waited...)

As a friend said- it all seemed very surreal that we stepped right back into the culture of consumerism (cliche cliche), of gratifying my wants NOW and the idea that it's all about me after watching such human desolation and poverty.  Hmmm...  I have to admit I am one of those who perpetuate the culture.

Sometimes I can despair over the fact that what I am currently doing is pretty insignificant- not that I despise the small things- but sometimes I do wonder if I am not spending my time and energy at the right things.  I guess I have to spend more time seeking Him as to where He wants me to go.

I look at my beloved Malaysia- and I think I have become too accepting of a few issues in Malaysia- I need not mention them.  The thing is- things CAN change- it is about how far we are willing to go make the necessary changes...

If you find yourself having nothing to do- just look at your own backyard (not literal) and see how much change needs to sweep this place- it's up to you whether you want to be a part of it or not.

I really do not want to regret living life not investing in things that outlast my lifetime on this earth.

I think it'll be so cool to work in rescue teams that rescue little girls from brothels- lots of courage needed!

So this I pray will be the underlying theme of what I want to spend my holidays doing. I just need to get over the biggest obstacle- myself- and my stupid insecurities that makes me think that I am not good enough to do what God has called me to do.  I just feel- ah- unsatisfied right now.  I don't know how to quite put this into words.

I should be Linus.

Instead, I'm worrying about everything under the sun at the moment. Gone were the days when post-exams means hanging out with friends and fun. I foresee a gloomy next sem if Shim doesn't make it here.

Onto happier stuff, the bottom of the Christmas tree is getting more and more colourful and cluttered by the day. That makes me happy, although I probably just have ONE present. Haha. I love lights and anything that glows. And having Trinity tell me she wants to get me a present although I said she doesn't have to makes me smile. She doesn't think I'm a small kid anymore (took her like 10 months to realise that?) but instead calls me a teenager. AHAHA. Slowly but surely.

Since the whole Alexi Murdoch song only consists of 2 words - Shine and Love, that's the title.

monitorlizzie

Hello. It's been awhile.

Tonight I got a call from a bunch of friends, might or might not have been a drunk dial. But oh my gosh, they made me feel so bad, right to the core. A number of my friends are leaving for good, and tonight was supposed to be a farewell thingy for them. Problem is, while everyone has been off uni-duties for about a week now, I've yet to sit for my only paper, which is on Thursday. Tonight's bad storm is just another indicative sign that I should not be out bar-hopping merely a day plus before my 55%-worth paper.

I know I shouldn't be taking this so seriously, but there were just a couple of things that sounded as if they could see right through me. Reverse psychology and talks about "think it through, ask yourself if you're doing the right thing and make the right decision" made me wonder what I'm really doing. Do not make fun of my studying for exams and doing past year papers as "such an undergrad thing" though. Even after how I achieved realisation of what I've become, I still said I can't go out. Meh.

From taht call, I did realise that maybe I'm not quite myself. I probably haven't been recently. I'm usually the kind who'd have fun, but although I had 2 weeks to study, I've been saying no to outings and stuff for that long, and the 2-3 weeks before that when I still had my major assignments. I haven't been out on the usual weekend outings for more than a fortnight. The last time I was at a bar or the last time I watched my favourite Brissy live band was when Sal just got back after her Raya break. It's been THAT long.

Throughout the years, high school, college and uni, right smack in the middle of my exams, and I'd still drag someone out for a movie and stuff. I'd always thought taking a break off work for a few hours was fine and would do me more good than staying cooped indoors. So whatever happened this semester? My close friends are leaving for good, and all I want to do is stay indoors. Alone. I think I'm becoming a stingy recluse. And I don't think it's that temporary. Plus, I admit I'm quite bummed that I may not to keep my GPA and get that uni award I got last sem. It's no biggie, but I do get quite disappointed knowing this sem will probably pull my GPA down a bit even though its a bio-based semester, which is meant to be my forte. I hate competition. But without that I wouldn't bother trying so hard in UQ, would I? Especially since I already have a GPA score I didn't expect from last sem. The competitive streak in me keeps telling me I must maintain my grades.

I'm not exactly losing my mind staying home. That's new. I actually enjoy being home, on my bed, with the laptop on my brekkie table, only leaving the room for the bare essentials and to watch the simpsons.

And I must admit I haven't been publicly blogging for some time because I'm comfy being a hermit. I've had on and off bouts of minor-depression from studying, my burns, possible infections (which scarily look like ringworm now),  other long-term health problems, stupid doctors, not getting an doctor's appointment till end of nov, after-exam-party invites, my birthday plan for wet n' wild and gold coast which I might just have to cancel, and all the planning about trips and all when I'm back.

I think I've been drowing myself with work, work-outs, and just being in my rather-comfy room that I haven't realised that all the jacaranda and flowers are gone, and all the little stuff I'm so used to observing and finding joy in. I miss being truly happy, you know? I'm not exactly down in the dumps, but I do miss being genuinely smiley and happy. Right now, I'm just looking forward to the day I'm home. I can't wait to be myself again. I'm quite fed up of having work/study/money excuses for not going out, especially when the weather is currently so pleasant to be at the beach, barbies, picnics, watching the sunset on the citycat, riverside running, and everything I love. I guess it's a matter of finding myself again. I have to find what makes me happy. Am I going the right direction in life. Stuff like that. Me being pensive. Haha. Not sure if it's a normal thing.

I must say it's been good that I've been chanelling all these vented up energy through work-outs though. I've been doing push-ups, crunches, dips, lunges, running - all the usual stuff. I'm starting to get a bit of my arm muscles - biceps, triceps stuff again. Which is a good indication of how I'm back to my fitter self when I used to play tennis.

Also, music always helps. Thank you Queen. Thank you Beatles. Across the Universe always makes me feel grateful for everything I have and remind me that each and everyone of us is always loved.

And Jack's Mannequin too. Especially with songs like "Swim".

couchpotato

Nope this is not about unshaved armpits.

I was just thinking.  I don't think I am an intrinsically good person.  (I do not want to get into a debate about people's original nature...  this is not what I am about to talk about.)

Compared to others, I have to work harder at being nice.  Come to think of it, I was never a nice kid.  I troubled everyone without a second thought, but I hated it when people troubled me a trifle bit.  I am still like that.

All you benovelent people out there- stop making me feel bad!  Why are you all so good-natured?  You think of nice things to do for other people.  You do not hold grudges against people.  You talk to everyone ever so courteously, ever so funnily, ever so caringly.  You would never lash out on anyone, deserving or not.  You willingly and freely give everything that you have, sharing without calculating the losses incurred.  Your disposition is so pleasant that I could dunk your head in ice-cold water and hold you down for 2 minutes without you doing anything to merit it and you will still thank me for it.

Alright, the last sentence was a definite exaggeration.  But it's close enough I think.

I think being nice/good is a talent, like how some people are better at painting or sports, and how people are not that great in singing or at writing.

For me it is a conscious action, something that I almost have to 'slog' at.  I know that it's not a lone effort, and yes I should let God change me.  But...  you still (I believe) have to practise before you can be truly nice/good... and that is the hard part.  I mean, how can God change me truly if I don't put it into action?

And that is why I work hard at it.  Because this is the one thing I do want to be good at and matters to me most, unlike my many failed attempts to be good at other things.

couchpotato

the eternal struggle ensues.